Happy Hostilidays

Rules for my new holiday:1. Festivities start the Wednesday before Thanksgiving when we file frivolous lawsuits against all of our nearest and dearest.2. Instead of sending Xmas cards, we serve papers. Beware carolers.3. Mediations will be held at all the most inconvenient times between then and Xmas Eve, when we all get together and agree to settle out of court for bottles of alcohol.4. Then we drink around a burning Xmastree, while exchanging neuroses.

Symbols of the holiday:Aside from the tree to be burned, decorations also include a half burned Xmas wreath and wine stained carpet.Who wants to celebrate with me next year?Oh..and instead of "happy holidays" or "merry christmas", the greeting for hostilidays are either "talk to my lawyer" or simply "fuck you".